Decluttering for Your Present Self
A benefit of decluttering is that it encourages us to look at our lives in the present.
A challenge of decluttering is that staying in the present is hard.
We continually refer to the past and the future as we attempt to make decisions about our present. Finding a balance between honoring your past, preparing for your future, and living in the present can be challenging… and if left unaddressed, can derail your decluttering efforts.
Bringing yourself back to your main goals, again and again, is key. Compassionately remind yourself why you’re doing this in the first place. Maintain a clear picture of how you want your home to feel, look and function. Repeat your identity statements to yourself; you are decluttering because “I am someone who….”
Even as you do this work, expect to be visited by unhelpful thoughts. Thoughts based on past versions of yourself will try to tell you that you should do things the way you always have, that you should like the things you used to like, or hold on to things that used to be meaningful. Meanwhile, fears about the future will bubble up and warn you to protect yourself from future suffering: “But you might need that!”
Greet these thoughts - and their accompanying feelings - with compassion: “Hi there, I was expecting you,” and continue to keep your current goals and desires at the forefront. Let the thoughts know “Thanks for trying to help… but also, no thanks. I’m trying something different today,” as you continue identifying what supports you - right now, in the present.
Which of these thoughts supports present You? Click to download the pdf.
Getting Clear
Identifying what supports your present self can be challenging. Here are a few questions to help clarify matters:
“Does this support my goals?”
“Is this who I am right now?”
“Is this how I want my home to feel?”
“Have I used it in the recent past… am I likely to use this in the near future?”
Honoring the Past without Keeping Everything
As you move items to the donation bin, expect to feel things! Decluttering can be emotional work, and that’s OK. Pile on the self-compassion as you honor your past self. Allow all of it - gratitude, fond feelings, sadness, grief, regret… just let those feelings be there. Encourage yourself to feel them with thoughts like…
“This was such a fun part of my life.”
“I have loads of good memories of my family using this.”
“I miss this person so much.”
“My kids are so big now, where did the time go?”
“This reminds me of a really difficult time.”
You may decide to get rid of some - even most - of your unused belongings. But also - it’s OK not to part with things if you’re simply not ready yet. In fact, pressuring yourself to ignore sentimentality and just get rid of everything can backfire; taking a strict, black & white approach can hinder your decluttering process more than help it. The important thing is to check in with your present needs. Acknowledge that it’s emotional, and state your intentions as you know them today, for example:
“I’m feeling really emotional about this item and can’t decide whether to keep it or not. I’ll hold on to it for now and revisit it later this year.”
“I may part with this in the future, but for now, I’m honoring my desire to keep it.”
“I can keep this as long as I need to.”
Greet Future Fears with Compassion
Another quirky, and oh-so-common, habit of our brains is worrying about things that haven’t happened. Our creative minds can offer up a dozen hypothetical scenarios about why letting go of something is a terrible idea… even though you haven’t used it in years. As you make decluttering decisions, keep an eye out for thoughts like:
“I might need this.”
“I’ll regret not having this if the other one breaks.”
“I should keep this, just in case…”
Acknowledge these future-fear thoughts, and thank them for trying to help. Compassionately remind them that you’ve got this with phrases like:
“I trust myself to meet my future needs.”
“If I need one of these later on, I will borrow, buy, or make do.”
“I don’t know what’s to come, but I do know I’ll take great care of myself.”
“Even if I regret giving this away, I’ll be kind to myself. I’ve got my own back, now and in the future.”
As with sentimental items, sometimes you’re just not ready to let go of a “but what if I need it…” item. Being aware of those lurking future fears, and acknowledging that you take great care of yourself will often clarify matters, and even alleviate anxiety… but sometimes, you’re just not ready. And that’s OK. As you continue your practice of decluttering with compassion and awareness, your clarity will improve and such anxieties will lessen.
Declutter with Your Present Self
When you’re tuned into the present, it will be easier to recognize when an item is a keeper. Pay attention to how you feel when you decide to keep something that truly supports your present needs, tastes, and desires. Do you feel, say, a “zing” or a calm knowing? What does it feel like for you? The accompanying thoughts might sound something like:
“This brings me so much joy.”
“I’m so glad I have this, I use it every day.”
“This is really special to me.”
Practice, Practice, Practice
Differentiating between these various types of thoughts is tricky! It will take practice to catch future-fear thoughts in the act, and to handle sentimental decisions with grace and clarity. Allow yourself time and experience to build this muscle. Add to your practice with this printable exercise, “Decluttering for Your Present Self.” Which of the example thoughts support your present needs, tastes, and desires?
Decluttering from a place of self-compassion may be easier than bullying yourself into getting rid of stuff… but it’s a big job nonetheless. Every item you release is a step towards your goal. Honor what you’re doing for your present self, and celebrate!
“I am taking amazing care of myself, my family, and my home.”
“This is what growth feels like.”
“Goooooo me!!!!”
Decluttering can be so emotional! It requires staying present and focusing on your current goals. At the same time, honoring your past, and greeting future fears with compassion are key components of this process. Keep practicing, and celebrate every little bit of progress. This is hard work, and you are doing it!
What makes decluttering especially emotional for you?
Differentiating future fears, past thoughts, and current desires and needs can be a challenge! I love helping clients work through this and developed my one-on-one coaching program, Spring Cleaning with Self Compassion for just this reason. To find out if it would be a good fit for you, sign up for an introductory session (free!) with me so we can chat. I’d love to meet you!
