Why do you want to care for your home?
I’ve talked about the importance of knowing your “why” before. When we’re unclear on why we want to do something, we’re more likely to rely on external motivations, to get stuck in our goals, and, ultimately, to shame ourselves. When we’re talking about caring for our homes (be it spring cleaning, routine tasks, or a renovation project), clearly understanding your why is crucial.
We are heavily socialized about how we care for our homes. A lot of the pressure you feel to make your home look like a magazine spread is likely coming from outside yourself. Unless we’re super intentional, the way we interact with our homes can get pretty dysfunctional. We set expectations based on someone else’s opinion, then beat ourselves up for not meeting this arbitrarily placed standard. It’s important to recognize that these expectations are not your own. You have the power to define what a beautiful, functional home means to you.
Pay attention to the thoughts you have about spring cleaning. Just get curious and make a note of what your inner voice is telling you - no judgement here, just jot them down. Do you notice any “shoulds,” like “I should organize my pantry?” Where are you deferring to the opinions of others… “_____ said window screens should be cleaned annually, I really need to get on that.” Are there any old messages nagging away at you: “my Mother would cringe if she saw the state of my closet?” Note where you’re measuring yourself against some unnamed “everybody” - “everybody knows you should dust weekly.”
Get a little playful, and try out some countering thoughts. “Pantries don’t need to be organized,” “window screens are supposed to be dirty,” and “the messier the closet, the better!” Don’t be afraid to get really silly: “a thick layer of dust keeps the glare down!” With each counterstatement, ask yourself, “what if this was true too?” Tell yourself “this could also be true.”
Letting your brain out to play in this way loosens things up. It lightens up those old, heavy judgments - those hitchhiker thoughts that aren’t even yours - so you can get down to the important business of identifying what actually matters to you.
Before we get into why you want to care for your home, consider that once you’ve weeded out external messages, you may not actually want to change anything you’re currently doing. Without those external “shoulds”, are you content with how you currently interact with your home? If so - cool! If not… keep reading.
Let’s proceed with getting clear on why you want to care for your home. Do go back and read this post for juicy details on knowing your whys. All caught up? Now we’ll make it specific to caring for our homes.
Start with curiosity as you brainstorm the first draft of your Why List. As you brainstorm, ask yourself questions like…
Why do I want to care for my home?
How do I want my home to feel… to function… to look?
How do I want my home to support me?
How do I want to feel about my home?
What do I like about my home?
When an area of my home is functioning well, how do I feel?
What jobs does my home need to do?
Next, you’ll listen to your body to weed out any lingering external shoulds, then narrow your Why List down to things that feel really yummy and motivating. Then take a last pass and make sure that your Why List now reflects why you want to care for your home. These are your whys - expect them to evolve and grow along with you.
When you’re clear on your whys for caring for your home, the subsequent steps - whether it’s delegating tasks, hiring an organizer, reminding your teenager to unload the dishwasher, or folding laundry feel far less burdensome. When you’re not trying to motivate yourself with external reasons, and have gotten clear on your purpose, caring for your home gets less challenging and more meaningful.
Weeding out external voices and getting clear on our own whys can be so challenging. It’s also one of my favorite things to coach people on. If you’d like to explore this topic with me, sign up for an introductory session (they’re free) so we can find out if we’re a good match. I’d love to talk to you!