Resetting a Goal
Goal Resets are a Good Thing
When progress toward a goal stagnates, it can feel awful. It’s so easy to go into all-or-nothing thinking… “I’ve stopped my daily exercise routine, and now I will never have regular exercise again!”, “I reverted to grabbing my phone instead of my book… I’ll never meet my reading goal,” or “I’ll never finish that big project if I’m moving this slow.”
We make it mean something about ourselves, like “I’m lazy and unable to take good care of myself,” or “I never meet my goals.” We compare ourselves to others: “there must be something wrong with me, because I can’t keep my house clean like she does,” or “that seems so easy for them, why is it so hard for me?”
None of this feels good. In fact, it feels terrible. When we think these kinds of thoughts, we feel all motivation being sucked away. Any energy we used to have for that goal is zapped. We drop the habits and abandon the goal. We feel like we’ve failed.
This is so unnecessary! We don’t have to view goal stagnation as a failure. We can view a stalled goal as a normal part of human life. We can see it as a cue to employ our curiosity and compassion, and ask “do I need a reset?” Better yet, make it declarative: “I’m taking a reset!”
How do you reset a habit or goal? Use your curiosity to wonder why your goal went off track. Was it just due to circumstances, or does your goal need a redesign?
A temporary change in circumstances calls for a simple reset
Sometimes a habit or goal goes cattywampus simply due to life circumstances. You go out of town, and your reading goal gets interrupted. You’re sick for a week and unable to do your usual exercise routine. You have an unusually busy week, and your house-calming-routines go out the window. If so, declare “I’m taking a reset!” and just restart. It really can be that simple.
Simply picking up where you left off can be easier said than done. Old negative self-talk (“I never meet my goals”) and perfectionism (“I lost too many days, I may as well quit”) can get in the way if we’re not aware. Greet those less-than-helpful tendencies with compassion, encourage them to go off and play, and just keep going. A reset truly can be as simple as “I’ll just keep doing what I was doing. Well done, me!”
When a goal needs a remodel
Another possibility: your goal has gone off track because it doesn’t suit you. The goal needs a more thorough reset, and, perhaps, a bit of a remodel. Sometimes we enthusiastically set a huge goal, and ride the fresh-goal energy for a while, but after a few weeks, we get overwhelmed or burnt out, and the whole thing stagnates. Instead of beating ourselves up for a floundering goal, we can get curious and go into reset mode.
First, go back to WHY you set this goal in the first place. What’s the essence of it? Is it, for example, to exercise regularly, read more, have a calmer home, or save for a vacation? Name the core reason for the goal - and be sure it’s YOUR reason, not somebody else’s. This is a great opportunity to look for external influences. Instead of citing others’ reasons for having such a goal, why do YOU want it?
With your WHY in mind, consider how well this goal actually suits your life. Setting overly-ambitious goals is super common; in our zeal to get a goal going, we’re more idealistic than realistic. Taking a very honest look at the goal may help you identify where you can transform it into something that you can truly do - in your actual life. Instead of expecting yourself to, say, spend an hour at the gym every day, how could you reframe it in a way that maintains the essence (exercise regularly), and also fits well in your actual life? Would something like “get 30 minutes of exercise 5 days a week” be doable? If not, what would? Be aware that this is a place where perfectionism can get noisy; remind it that “doing something is better than doing nothing. Every time.”
And finally, do a gut check for interest. Some part of yourself may have lost interest in doing this goal. As you reset it, how can you incorporate fun, excitement, or intrigue? Does “sign up for the cardio dance class” sound fun? Would allowing your “guilty pleasure” book genre make your reading goal more enticing than “my year of the classics?” Would incorporating variety and novelty into the goal give it more staying power? Play with various options until you land on something that feels doable and exciting… and feels like you.
After going through this process, you may find that this isn’t a goal you want to pursue anymore. Let it go! Intentionally remove that goal from your list. Is there something you’d rather work towards, something more in alignment with you, something that sounds fun or exciting? Put your energy there.
Needing to reset a goal does not mean failure - quite the opposite. Often, it’s the difference between continuing to work towards a goal and abandoning it entirely. When you declare a reset, it means you’re listening to yourself, prioritizing your desires, and customizing habits to work really well for you.
Do you have a goal that could use a reset?
If you’ve ever had the thought “I never finish my goals… what’s wrong with me?”, I’d love to work with you. I love helping clients design - or redesign - goals that they’re excited about. If you’d like to learn more about one-on-one coaching with me, sign up for a free Introductory Session.