Making Space for ME… and everyone else.
Caring for our stuff and our homes is a journey unto itself… but it’s quite likely you’re not doing it in a vacuum. You have family members and housemates… and their stuff. As you “make space for you,” it would be great if our people adopted your energy and intentions, working alongside you in harmony, but… they’re their own people with their own plans and priorities.
How can you commit to your journey to make space for yourself without letting the disinterest or disruption of others derail your efforts? Can you have the space you want even when it has other people’s stuff in it? Here are some things to consider:
Everyone has different priorities.
You, your partner, your kids, your housemates — you each have unique priorities. Nobody’s priorities or wrong; they’re just different than yours. For example: your priority is decluttering the living room and keeping it spotless. Your 10-year-old daughter’s priority is building LEGO - ideally spread out all over the living room floor. You notice yourself getting frustrated about the scattered bricks and bins of LEGO and your daughter’s reluctance to put them away. You start nagging regularly… you feel anger and resentment welling up. After all, you’ve worked hard to turn this room into a pleasant space…
Identify your priorities and her priorities. Are they different? How could you allow differing priorities without making them a problem?
Big picture: what are you making space for? How do you want your home to feel? How can you ground yourself in those feelings while troubleshooting this with your daughter?
Practically speaking, is there a simple way that her things can be stored so they’re very easy to put away when she’s not using them?
Decide to do it for you.
Have you been waiting for someone else’s priorities to align with yours? Are you hoping your partner will initiate the project so you can join in? Are you frustrated that your family members aren’t taking action? Does some part of you want permission to move forward? Do you feel, at some subconscious level, unqualified to go it alone?
You can just decide to start. You can give yourself permission to make changes in your home, simply because you want them. Imagine appointing yourself project manager: gather input, coordinate decisions, plan next steps, and take action. The changes you want don’t have to wait on other people’s motivation. Just do it because you want to.
Do your thing with clear intentions and without expectation of others.
If you’re feeling motivated to make your space clutter-free, organized, and gorgeous, it’s easy to believe that your people should hop on the motivation train and work alongside you. Conversely, you may believe, perhaps subconsciously, that you can’t make space for you until your people decide to do so as well. Consider this: You can do your own thing. It’s OK to do it for you simply because you want to. Clarify your intentions and priorities, and let go of the expectation that others will join you on this journey.
Do a “control” check.
When we find ourselves frustrated or resentful towards our family members, it can be because we're subconsciously trying to control them. It's a common human tendency to want to control our surroundings, especially within our own spaces. However, it's important to recognize that others have their own agency and autonomy. Getting clear on your intentions and acknowledging when you might be attempting to control can be a powerful step towards fostering connection with your people as well as finding peace and clarity in yourself. Identify what’s truly within your control and turn your attention in that direction.
Set boundaries.
While you can’t control what others do, you can control yourself. You can set boundaries regarding your personal spaces, and create family rules for shared spaces in the home. Some examples:
Your teenager is in control of their bedroom, but you set boundaries around things that impact the rest of your home, such as pest-attractants and odor-creators.
Toys are welcome in the living room and get picked up each evening with the help of a grown-up.
Designate specific areas for collections so they don’t bleed into shared spaces.
Respect boundaries.
Other people get to have boundaries too! When you get into decluttering mode, it can be tempting to ignore boundaries and start tossing other people’s things. Check your perspective: how would you feel if someone went through your things without your buy-in? What if they gave away something you treasure? Would you feel angry and sad? Would you trust them a little less? Would you hold your things tighter, so they couldn’t do it again?
Rather than trying to impose unwelcome decluttering on your loved ones, consider how you can focus your actions and intentions in ways that support your vision for your home and your relationships:
You set the tone. The vibe you bring to decluttering and organizing your stuff will absolutely be felt by others. Frenzied, frustrated, burdened… or calm, curious, connected: what do you want to make space for?
Focus your efforts on your own things and shared areas. The progress you make and the impact it has will be noticed by all. It may even inspire others.
Offer help and support… but only if you can do so in a neutral and respectful way. Before offering, ask yourself “Can I do this without agenda and expectation? Can I meet them where they’re at?” They might decline your offer, and that’s OK.
Continue to prioritize your values and intentions: “What am I making space for? What’s more important to me, my relationships or decluttering?”
Young children will need support with decluttering and organizing; consider how you could model respect - for relationships, stuff, and spaces - as you help them. Establish a “maybe” pile to decrease stressful decision-making.
Embrace & accommodate differences.
It’s likely that you and your family members have varying sensory needs and organizational preferences due to personality, neurodivergence or life experience. Some individuals may find comfort in a cluttered environment, while others struggle with sensory overload in a space filled with too much stuff. Recognizing these differences, and employing empathy and flexibility will allow you to consider individual needs and preferences when decluttering and creating organizing systems. Be open to accommodating different organizational styles to create a supportive and inclusive home environment.
Create a space that’s just for you.
Whether you’re in the midst of a decluttering journey, or simply have a busy household, you can have a space that stays the way you like it. Carve out a shelf, a room, a hidey-hole that is yours.
Choose a low-traffic space, perhaps your nightstand or an unused corner.
What are you making space for here? How do you want to feel here?
Remove anything that doesn’t support that feeling. Clean it, and add things you love. Use this physical space to refocus on what you’re making space for.
Variation: designate a “quick reset” space in a high-traffic area that represents the feeling you want there. For example, choose a drawer in the kitchen that you can quickly tidy each day.
When you feel overwhelmed by other areas of your home, or by your decluttering journey, recharge and reground in your special spot.
In the journey to create space for yourself amidst your beautifully busy home and family, keeping your intentions front and center is key in moving forward without grasping for control. Embrace the uniqueness of each person's priorities, set boundaries with respect, and lead by example with clarity and intention. Your space reflects not just what's around you, but the connections and understanding you foster within your home.
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We are wrapping up the “Making Space for ME” Tiny Goal Challenge, but there will be more Tiny Goal Challenges in the future! Join the Facebook group so you can participate in the next one.
I love helping people get clear on what’s getting in the way of making space for what’s important to them. For information about my one-on-one coaching packages, please visit my site.